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| Longing and nostalgia in Italy and Mompracem | |
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| Kabir's Italian radio show Ch@t - weekly wrap - This week's theme is longing and nostalgia, for what could have been but wasn't, and for what's elsewhere but not here and now. As Einstein heads off into the sunset with Pamela Anderson, we learn of Sandokan's efforts to fly in reverse, thus adopting a new perspective on life. And after a jam session with Bob Marley, we hear how Windows was invented at Yanez' kiosk. #21 - We join our champions of chat as they debate the merits of milkshakes made with coconut versus cow's milk. Sandokan comes down firmly on the bovine side, saying cows are sacred and their milk makes children grow. If only Verdeluna wasn't allergic to dairy produce... Verdeluna has been to see the Bologna auto fair with her brother Vittorio and his social worker, Carlo. The two men clearly share a passion for cars... and for gawking at the sparsely clad girls fluttering around the exhibits. How would Verdeluna look, reclining in bathing costume over the bonnet of her good old Fiat 131? The outing has been a great success, and Vittorio hasn't touched a drop for two days. Sandokan and Verdeluna drink a milkshake toast to Carlo's persuasive powers. Big of heart (for giving his love to others) and of ear (for listening), he is a little like Gandhi, although he looks like Einstein. One day, the mathematical genius was sitting on the Mompracem beach, says Sandokan. Suddenly, a gorgeous sports car appeared on the horizon, with an even more gorgeous blonde at the wheel. Einstein gets into the car, and the two drive off into the forest. To this day, Sandokan feels a strange presence in the jungle, and it ain't a tiger... So who was the blonde, asks Verdeluna. According to the Mompracem grapevine, it was Pamela Anderson. In today's glob... glbaz.. globalised world, we are all consumers, says Sandokan, ever in search of the latest glitzy toy, be it a car or a new handbag. Sandokan's only temptation is Yanez' coffee and his famous mussel dish. - "Everything you want to be is fine," the pirate purrs in that most exotic of languages, English, and he waxes truly poetic. We know what effect that has on Verdeluna! Aaaaaaaaah! What was that, Shakespeare? No, it was Sandokan... In your imagination, you can make me into whatever you want, but I'll always be Sandokan. And I will always be Verdeluna, and in the chatroom, it's all made up anyway... #22 - Sandokan has been chasing a hummingbird, walking backwards just like the bird flies backwards. He wanted to see what the world looks like in reverse. The experiment is a little depressing: all we'd be able to see is our past rather than our future. And speaking of memories: what's Sandokan's most cherished remembrance? Marianna, of course... - All of which leaves Verdeluna a little peevish. Is she the most useless woman in all of God's creation? What would Sandokan say if her best memory were The Twit? Sometimes what is best is worst, and what is worst, best, declares Sandoguru. Which doesn't help. - Maybe the hummingbird hasn't got it all wrong. Verdeluna would love to go back in time and do some of the things she never did - like dance the waltz with her father, for instance. He always wanted to, on New Year's Eve, and she would hide under the kitchen chair out of embarassment. If only she could be his ballerina now, holding him tight... - He was a great dancer, Verdeluna's father, looking just like Fred Astaire dancing with his wife. And boy, did he love his watermelon! Hold me tight, dad, hold me tight, I am here for you, Verdeluna sobs. I should have known you before, says Sandokan, I should have gone looking for you, looking until I found you. Our regrets are lessons for the future, otherwise what's the point in looking over our shoulders? And how good is Sandokan on the dance floor? Well, he does do the mazurka with Yanez, to bring on the rain from time to time. It always works! At least the thought of Sandokan and Yanez dancing makes Verdeluna laugh again, and the dark mood is dispelled. They sing a song to celebrate! Verdeluna says she and her yodelling nemesis, Olivia, look like a pair of fighting monkeys, according to her kickboxing instructor. So why does she go on taking the punishment? Follow my example, and play cricket instead! But Verdeluna is a great believer in the power of the fist, and she does love taking a long shower afterwards - like cricketers, says Sandokan. - There are wells on Mompracem that are so clear the water seems like light. That's where the pirate goes for his ablutions after doing battle. And all alone too, unlike Verdeluna, who likes to talk men with her kickboxing friends under the shower. So why are men always a problem? We'll have that discussion some other night, and besides, to chatters it's all in the mind anyway... #23 - Today's Mompracem celeb is Bob Marley, of The Wailers fame, who's been a frequent visitor. Not only was he a great artist, he was also a very religious man, and liked Yanez' coffee. Together, pirate and reggaemaster contemplated the universe with great wonder. Verdeluna's priestly brother, Walter, loved to use No Woman, No Cry even in his sermons... No donna, no piangere, Verdeluna croons... Sandokan recalls a jam session he once had with Marley and Yanez, to the offshore accompaniment of a choir of sirens. Maybe he can help Walter with a little more inspiration! Verdeluna is excited! Her demonstration against racism, prompted by the treatment of Walter's Moroccan aide, has been a great success. There is even a half-page picture in the paper, with herself in the middle. Taking action for peace is truly a sacred deed, says Sandokan. Even Patrizia's boyfriend, the DJ, closed down the disco for an evening to join in the organization. Verdeluna still feels guilty about misjudging him in the beginning. The conversation then turns to Walter, who had to find his place in the congregation after replacing an elderly priest with much authority. Then, there was the story of Ennio, a boy born deaf and dumb. One day, Ennio's parents were looking for the boy, who was lost. Walter went to his Garden of Silence, an abandoned vineyard that he used for meditation. He knew Ennio once made a drawing of the garden, and expected to find him there. And there the boy was, sitting on a rock, taking in the silence in a silent world... Walter sat with him for a while, and they ate some grapes together. That evening, he wrote a note explaining the boy's absence, saying he had been needed for the church football team... The westerly wind will whisper the words of our hearts. And you, will you whisper me all your secrets? Will you carry me to the sweet abyss of your mysteries? Climb on board, Verdeluna, I have a treasure-trove full of secrets, ready to be discovered... #24 - Sandokan has been listening in secret to Verdeluna, his feline of night. Together, they weave the tales of 1001 nights, to be followed by another thousand, and another. (Editor's note: we can't promise that many translations...) Verdeluna the social climber is not to be outdone by the Mompracem roll call of famous visitors: she has chatted with Rudolfo Valentino, Sean Connery and George Clooney! Of course, the difference is that Sandokan isn't using a pseudonym. Then again, you can be a prince even if you're the poorest person on earth... One night during Carnival, Verdeluna and Renato were dressed up as princes from the tales of 1001 nights. That was the night that Patrizia was conceived. Verdeluna was truly Renato's princess, his Sheherazade. Then at least, there was true love between you, says Sandokan. Warming to her theme, Verdeluna relates how Valerio came to be during a romantic midnight swim at a thermal bath hotel in Tuscany. That, too, was true love. According to Sandokan, a child's true conception occurs when his parents exchange glances for the first time. That's when the spirit is born. Too bad Dr Jekyll has turned into The Twit... Has Sandokan got a Mr Hyde side to him? If so, it's hidden on the dark side of the moon. All men are the same, says Verdeluna, and it makes her sad to think that Sandokan also... So does Verdeluna still love Renato, the muscular car mechanic with oil in his face that made her lose her head as a little girl? She can't say – you don't just write off 20 years of living together... Finding true love is everone's greatest dream, but we have to fight for everything in life, including our dreams. And speaking of true love, Verdeluna tells the story of the African woman who found a newspaper clipping with the picture of Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and inventor of Windows, the richest man on earth, and fell madly in love with him. She took her children and embarked on a journey of epic, biblical proportions, walking across the Sahara desert to reach the Mediterranean coast, crossing the ocean on a rickety ship to reach Sicily. But doesn't Bill Gates live in America? Well no one knows where the African pilgrim is now. Maybe she's in California... Of course, Gates was also once a visitor to Mompracem. Sipping Yanez's coffee, he got a vision. He saw a window on the horizon, and another one on top of that, and another, thousands upon thousands of windows spread out across the sky. And thus, with the help of Yanez's coffee, came about the birth of Windows. Just think of all those royalties Yanex could have had... #25 - Verdeluna! Sandokan is ready to accompany you tonight, along the beach, on a boat with sails of silk, or by the golden trees. Verdeluna dreams of Mompracem, but her alarm returns her to the harsh realities of life in the morning. "Our alarm is the wind, bringing us the perfumes of the day," says Sandokan, just to make her feel better. What Verdeluna needs is a long holiday, aboard a pirate gallion for instance. Her days in the shop are particularly exhausting when Sir Hugo is attending business meetings, and even Martina is auditioning. Some of the customers are just terrible, like the fat old geezer who walked in with a Ukranian girl much younger than him and said she could buy anything she wanted... Obviously, she was just after his money and an Italian passport, Verdeluna rants. It ain't necessarily so, says Sandokan. I always wait to see if behind all the appearances there is true love after all. Well, these two, they spent two hours in the shop, having Verdeluna unpack and show every single item, and then declared there was nothing quite good enough for them. Then her last customer spent nearly an hour on her mobile phone, while Verdeluna was advising her on what to buy for a dinner party. She finally left with a shawl, and Verdeluna slammed the door shut and went to the kickboxing studio to let off steam... Sandokan says Verdeluna should meet Mohammed Ali, and Will Smith, who starred in a film about the boxer. Both visited Mompracem during the shooting, and discussed anything and everything, from women to the great questions of the universe. And then they practiced Mohammed's phantom punch, with which he could KO an opponent while barely touching him. Verdeluna, too, is an expert. One day, she was taunted by her brother Walter, and she responded as Mohammed would have known best. Alas, poor priest... Oh how Verdeluna would like to be close to Sandokan right now... Put all your dreams into a grain of sand and send it to me. You will find me! ...to be continued You'll find daily updates of Kabir's radio show CH@T online at kabir-bedi.com... |
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