(English version)
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| Stranded goods at Mompracem | ||
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| Kabir's Italian radio show Ch@t - weekly wrap - Jellyfish, manta rays and even an old gramophone are among the creatures and objects washed up by the sea around Mompracem this week, prompting spirited debate about the environment, gays coming out of the closet and the war in Iraq. But of course Sandokan and Verdeluna find time to go on a romantic, imaginary journey. Or isn't it really all in the imagination? #31 - If only Yanez would stop hacking into my computer! I can never get online after he's used it. Sandokan is hoping Verdeluna will be patient enough to wait for him... Sandokan, are you there? Chatting without you is so boring! Some people wait in line at the supermarket checkout, some wait to find their true love, others again wait at the post office to pay their bills, and others... just love to keep others waiting, just like that... Like Sandoka... BLING! Ooh Sandokan, what a coincidence, I only just logged on and there you were. I was just thinking that we spend so much time waiting. Don't you ever wait on Mompracem? Never... Having time for ourselves is a great gift, perhaps the best ever... Sandokan and Verdeluna, noctural tightrope walkers on the internet, philosophise about the meaning of time and of waiting. Verdeluna has been chatting with a woman calling herself Fatastrana. Her father, having abandoned all hope of having a son after siring four daughters, decides to ask Fatastrana to follow in the footsteps of several generations of the family's men and become... a gravedigger. Her specialty is to provide a highly personal service... If the customer has always wanted to go to London but never made it there in his lifetime, Fatastrana will make sure he is buried in a London cemetery. You get to go wherever you want, and forever! Sandokan is reminded of an Egyptian tomb statue he saw in the British Museum, husband and wife, hand in hand, looking serenely into the distance... Sandokan is always looking for that light. Would Fatastrana's services be an idea for him? No, he'll never leave the island of Monpracem. He is the Tiger of Malaysia! All'assalto!!! From death to birth then. Mompracem women have no large hospitals and give birth to their children at home. Who are you really, Sandokan? Are you really my pirate and my gentleman? I am a man, full of passion and romance. With you, time seems to stand still and take on the rhythm of our breath. Our time is like a star that shines in the night. Oooh Sandokan, too bad that in a chat, it's all invention... #32 - Today, we find out about Sandokan's pet hate - the jellyfish. He's been bitten, and it hurts. Diving from his gallion, Sandokan plunged straight into a sea of the wobbly creatures. Even the Tiger has an Achilles' heel... A large fleet of Portuguese Men o'War can only mean one thing: the sea is getting poisoned. If not near Mompracem, then certainly nearby. This appeals to Verdeluna's inner environmentalist. She gets furious if she just sees someone throwing an empty cigarette pack or an old tram ticket onto the street. Sandokan says there's actually a car that runs on rubbish, rather than petrol. But it's parked up in a Swiss museum. Oil has to be sold, after all... - Just think about the Bhopal disaster, and all the atom bombs that have been detonated, and the Americans and the Chinese who won't sign the Kyoto Protocol - and they call me a pirate, an outlaw? - Our planet is like an excellent piece of bread: not a single crumb should go to waste. Meanwhile, there's a party on at Mompracem tonight. An entire cruise ship has arrived, full of tourists who'll be spending the night. But don't forget a pirate who's still smarting from the bite of the jellyfish, Verdeluna. Oh stop being such a baby! Tonight the Tiger is a little tiger cub that's demanding attention. And speaking of cruises, Verdeluna misses her son Valerio, who's sailing the seven seas, even if it's, sometimes, easier to love someone who's far away. And it's useful having a cook in the family! Let us leave early in the morning on a rowing dinghy, to lose ourselves on the seas of Mompracem, when the perfume of the night is still in the air, without space and without time, delighting in each others' sighs... Ohhh yes Sandokan, I like that idea, but it's such a shame that to chatters, it's all in the imagination. Ouch, damnd jellyfish! Not everything Verdeluna, not quite everything... #33 - Sandokan has just finished a plate of Yanez' linguini alla piratesca. He tells of the hunger strike they once held on Mompracem, to protest against the libiria.. libellia.. liberalisation of gun ownership. Until then, only the pirates had the right to bear arms, but for a while, so did everyone else. And Sandokan drank only water... The jungle was full of gorillas with machine guns. Arnold Schwarzenegger came along to get some ideas for his future political career, and when he left, he took the gorillas with him. Now, the great apes are the Governor of California's lifeguards! Verdeluna has more to say about her hairdresser neighbour, who is facing a gang of extortionists. Sir Hugo maintains he has never been asked for protection money, so the poor woman seems to be alone in her troubles. Verdeluna goes on the Internet and discovers there is a self-help group of shopkeepers who stand firm against the criminals, with the help of the police. Ahhh for the times when all battles were fought in the name of liberty and justice, says Sandokan. Verdeluna's brother Christian is like that, giving the best of himself for a noble cause... Although one day, he phoned his sister to say he was quite willing to steal a plane and fly home from Iraq to have a giant plate of spaghetti carbonara. If Sandokan could have a brother, what would he be like? The pirate can only imagine having a little sister, sweet, pretty and an excellent cook. Well okay, then, he'd have two older brothers. One would be the Pope, and the other the President of the United States. I have chosen you, Verdeluna, because you reflect the spirit of the island that I love. Because you remind me of the past, illuminate the present, and caress the future. Because it's you, and no one else but you. I don't know why I chose you, says Verdeluna. I just know that I chose you. And there's no point looking for a thousand words to explain my sensations, my emotions, when we are together like this, linked by an invisible thread... Sir Hugo's fashion shop has been going from strength to strength, ever since he hired Martina, the aspiring singer. There are crowds of young people visiting the shop now, and Hugo is happy as Larry. Verdeluna only hopes Martina won't get famous too soon, and leave... She should talk to Yanez, the ever-busy maker of exquisite coffee to Sting, Michael Jackson and Madonna. He would have a useful contact or two! And you, how would you help a woman with two children, who's separated from her husband, and who only sings under the shower? - Well, I have an old Indian book called the Kamasss...andokan! #34 - Sandokan has been swimming the oceans with a manta ray, the most majestic of fish. He got a little carried away trying to imitate the way it swims, and had a long swim back ashore. The manta ray is a divine creature! Just like we are divine, says Verdeluna, who is very pleased with herself. Yesterday she beat Olivia the Yodeller at kickboxing! - "Porzellana," Olivia said afterwards, using her favourite term of respect. Ahhh Sandokan, let's get our manta ray wings and swim in the warm sea together. Valerio, Verdeluna's son, has been diving near Acapulco in between shifts in the kitchen of his cruise ship, with a local friend, errr, more than just a friend, actually. Do you mean he's gay, asks Sandokan. Well, what do you want me to think! He writes he's never been this happy, and he sends me a picture of himself with this... Tarzan. The manta ray doesn't think, it doesn't judge, Verdeluna. Your son's fallen in love with Tarzan. If a man wants to take another man into his chamber of delights, well, that's God's will too. Verdeluna has nothing against gays, but the idea takes a little getting used to. And by the way, Sir Hugo is gay too, did you know that? Last year, around Christmas, Verdeluna found him sitting in the shop's fitting cubicle, crying his heart out. He had a young man, a splendid and beautiful young man, twenty years ago, an architecture graduate. But the boy fell ill with Aids, and in a short time he was dead. Hugo sat at his bedside in hospital that Christmas eve as his boyfriend passed away. And now he is deeply ashamed that he never came out of the closet then, since he was deputy mayor of the city. In the chamber of delights, decorated with flowers, fragrant with perfumes, surrounded by friends and servants, upon consuming the banquet, a man will seek the rest that he deserves. What's that? A little bit of Kamasutra, and a little bit of Sandokan. Verdeluna, I am waiting for you. You must decide if you want to continue drinking from this cup. If only I could swim like the manta ray, majestic creature of the deep... Then open your arms, feel the warmth that surrounds them, feel the sea that's part of you. And you, will you follow me? I am at your side, I am above you, I am with you... #35 - Going to bed without chatting to Sandokan is like starting the day without breakfast - a decent cappuccino and a sweet roll. So what does a pirate eat for breakfast? Well, Yanez makes excellent espresso, but his cappuccino is so-so. Never mind, as long as Sandokan's old gramophone is within reach. He'll crank it up for a shot of inspiration first thing every day, playing his old opera records. La donna e' mobile! So where did you steal the gramophone, Sandokan? Well, one day he was at sea, and Sandokan and his fellow pirates were enchanted by this magic song wafting towards them over the waves. Then they saw - a solitary man on a raft, with a gramophone. Placido Domingo, he said his name was, and he was skin over bone after many days on the raft. When the pirates pulled him on board, he refused to be rescued unless they also took the instrument that had given him sustenance for all those days... But when they came ashore, the shipwrecked sailor gave Sandokan his gramophone. - "You and the gramophone saved my life," he said. "Now I know what I want to do in life: become an opera singer." Which does to show it sometimes takes a shipwreck to save you... Verdeluna, too, recalls the old gramophone of her Aunt Assunta. But her useless ex-husband, The Twit, had no time for it, just like he never appreciated anything of emotional value. Verdeluna, you do talk about The Twit a lot, even if you do speak of him badly. You sound a little jealous, Sandokan! I have many gramophone records that I could play for you, Verdeluna. All you have to do is come and turn the crank. You make my head spin round, Sandokan, just as if I were a little girl. You, me and the gramophone, alone on a raft... ...to be continued You'll find daily updates of Kabir's radio show CH@T online at kabir-bedi.com... |
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